The Wrestling Crew

The legendary bad-ass bitches, babes and broads of CLAWstin wrestling, plus our irreplaceable emcee and ref:

 

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Shelly Glambo

Shelly Glambo

After starting as a junior Mary Kay beauty consultant, Shelly Glamour quickly worked her way up the company ladder, posting record sales figures with her intimidatingly physical sales technique. Soon she was in charge of an elite special forces unit of beauty operatives, imposing their will and wares on overmatched consumers across the country. Fearing … Continue reading Shelly Glambo

Massenkill

Massenkill

Massenkill, A.K.A. “The Douche”. Keeping the worst trends alive, while killing en masse. This douche spent her life trying to fit in. When ridiculed, she’d slaughter the bullies. She earned a reputation for cleaning out her competition, with good reason. She’s ‘over the top’ and proud of it and will murder anyone who gets in … Continue reading Massenkill

Celester Stallone

Celester Stallone

No one knows where she came from. They say she strolled into town a few years back wearing high heels and a big ass belt, carrying nothing but a pair of gloves and a long list of names. She strikes fear in the hearts of grown men, and rumor has it she once stole a … Continue reading Celester Stallone

CleoPAINTra

Just as Cleopatra was the reincarnation of the goddess Isis, CleoPAINtra is the reincarnation of that great Egyptian Queen of the Nile. While walking in the village of Lockhart in search of delicious BBQ, CleoPAINtra felt the sudden sting of a rattlesnake. The vile serpent’s venom did not kill her, however. It made her stronger, … Continue reading CleoPAINTra

wrestler pain fonda

Pain Fonda

Following a bad steroid injection several years ago, Jane Fonda found herself with an irreversible case of roid rage, and an unruly chest and facial hair problem. No longer suitable for the glamorous world of workout videocassette production, Jane fled the public eye and secluded herself underground. Unable to get herself out of “the zone,” … Continue reading Pain Fonda

wrestler Rhoda Rage

Rhoda Rage

Rhoda Rage comes from the roughest, toughest swamps of Louisiana. When the other kids started t-ball, she took up wrestling gators. Some say they once saw her jump into a boiling pot of water during a crawfish boil just to show the crawfish who was boss. At age 12, she decided she was fed up … Continue reading Rhoda Rage

wrestler Editrix

EDITRIX

Born with a silver spur in her mouth and educated at the University of Texas (HOOK ‘EM!), shy and mousy Bobby Ann Smith pursued a career in publishing. But the big publishing houses were downsizing, and the only job she could find was copyeditor at the Texas Legislature. Within the hallowed halls of the Capitol, … Continue reading EDITRIX

CLAWstin emcee

Our Master of Ceremonies

CLAWstin’s smooth-talking emcee is a dancing machine, a snazzy dresser and an international man of mystery who occasionally hides his real identity (Westen Borghesi) behind a fake moustache.  CLAWstin can neither confirm nor deny rumors that he’s a member of Austin’s favorite early jazz, hokum, vaudeville, ragtime, western swing and hillbilly band, the White Ghost … Continue reading Our Master of Ceremonies

Leah the boss Moss

Our Intimidating Referee

After finding WWE matches as tame as an afternoon tea party, professional arm wrestling referee Leah “The Boss” Moss decided to bring her gift for graft and blatant lack of ethics to CLAWstin, where the real action is.  While the Boss makes sure wrestlers maintain proper positioning with a forceful, “Get that ass out,” our … Continue reading Our Intimidating Referee

She-Devil

She-Devil came into this world a bright and golden babe, About her looks and manners, her mama she did rave. She ma’am’d and sir’d, and smiled a lot, and always drank tea nice. Within this narrow world, she never once thought twice. But then one day she’d had enough, She-Devil realized she liked it rough! … Continue reading She-Devil

wrestler Gina Tonic

Gina Tonic

Gina Tonic started life filled with the Holy Spirit. But with her first sip of communion wine, she knew her destiny lay with a trinity of other spirits: Gin, Whiskey, and Jaeger Jell-o shots. So Gina traded her knee socks and Mary Janes for fishnets and combat boots. Now pleats of sin and plaids of … Continue reading Gina Tonic

wrestler Frida CLAW-lo

Freaka Klawlo

Freaka Klawlo has an artistic talent not only in drawing and painting but also in kicking ass and arm wrestling! Born in Mexico and smuggled into Texas, this hot-blooded Latina was driven so crazy by her husband’s extramarital affairs that she now wanders the country with her Living Day of the Dead Esqueletos, spreading her … Continue reading Freaka Klawlo

wrestler Svetlana Slutnik

Svetlana Slutnik

Even though the KGB kicked her out in disgrace for hammering a few too many sickles — and being a little too hammered — this Bolshevik bad girl remains loyal to the Motherland. When the Kremlin got wind of just how many unions this Soviet spy had made, it was the Gulag or La Grange … Continue reading Svetlana Slutnik

wrestler Harry Clawtter

Harry Clawtter

Did somebody say legend? He eliminated all evil, all over the world, when he was just 18. His name is Harry Clawtter. Harry’s life changed the second Lord Voldemort tried to take his life and instead left an infamous lightning bolt scar on his forehead. He would forever be the chosen one. Now that -SPOILER … Continue reading Harry Clawtter

wrestler Lady RaRa

Lady RaRa

Renee Frances Angelitta Germanfrenchie, better known by her stage name Lady Rara, is an American recording artist, activist, fashion designer, and professional arm wrestler. She was born, raised and continues to rage in Austin, TX. Rara studied at the Convent of the Sacred Arm before briefly attending classes at the World Armwrestling Federation University (WAFU). … Continue reading Lady RaRa

Spread Eagle

Name:  Spread Eagle Birthplace:  Born in the USA Likes:  Freedom, cheeseburgers Dislikes:  Imported beer, France Distinguishing Characteristics:  Awesomeness, Being #1, Feathers Entourage:  Avian Crüe Bio:  While she may be best known for playing keytar in Starship, Spread Eagle once beat the devil in a pie-eating contest. Due to a side effect from cleaning up Three … Continue reading Spread Eagle

wrestler La Bestia

La Bestia

By day . . . an unassuming yogi and jiu jitsu practicioner, and beat driver deejay. By night . . . driven by the riddims of the jungle, La Bastia dons her mask to SAVE THE WORLD!! One beat at a time. Origins: unknown Age: unknown Height: 65” Weight: Nunya (damn business) Strengths: Step to … Continue reading La Bestia

wrestler DJ Arm Breakage

DJ Arm Breakage

DJ Arm Breakage has been crushing skulls with her electronic BEATS for years, so crushing arms won’t be any problem. Thousands of hours on the 1’s & 2’s have caused her forearms to explode. While you’re distracted by the dirty BASS in your face, she’ll be dropping your broke ass arms to the table. DJ … Continue reading DJ Arm Breakage

wrestler Midnight Angel

Midnight Angel

Midnight Angel always looked up to her Twisted Sistah, but after a run-in with the law, she left town in a Blaze of Glory. She was not only a Runaway, but she was also Wanted Dead or Alive. Despite being the runt of the litter, Midnight was no Rag Doll and no Fallen Angel. She … Continue reading Midnight Angel

wrestler Crusherella

Crusherella

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, a heroine was born. She is a child of the stars, a warrior for the weirdos, traveling the galaxy defending all that is fun and funky. Her loyal companions, the Princesses of Pain, keep the haters and bullies in check and they will rough you … Continue reading Crusherella

wrestler Plastic Mermaid

The Plastic Mermaid

After a nuclear bomb explosion, a little bit of plastic was swept into the ocean to the Great Pacific Garbage Patch where a mermaid egg was about to hatch! Polly Mermaid is part fish, part girl, mostly plastic and a little bit radioactive! Beware of contamination, because this wrestler will make you fall in love … Continue reading The Plastic Mermaid

wrestler Erin Rockabitch

Erin Rockabitch

This gutsy broad never misses an opportunity to put the hurt on those who stand in the way of justice. She can battle with the best of em and brawl with the nastiest. Just don’t expect her to respect your civil rights in the process.  

wrestler Rosie Guns

Rosie Guns

You may remember Rosie Guns as the former lead vocalist for 80’s rock band, “Rosie Guns and the Ammunition.” Rosie’s ego and notorious outbursts have resulted in her being banned from 49 states, all of Canada, and the remaining six continents. All four original members of her band, along with the 26 replacements the Ammunition … Continue reading Rosie Guns

wrestler Cherry Poppins

Cherry Poppins

Fed up with nannying the Banks’ children, Mary Poppins finally snapped after snorting one too many spoonfuls of sugar. With the chantings, she and her evil posse of chimney sweeps flew across the ocean via a magic umbrella where she transformed into Cherry Poppins- an arm wrestling ass-kicker with a taste for blood. watch our … Continue reading Cherry Poppins

The Lunch Lady

The Lunch Lady

The Lunch Lady doesn’t care if you don’t like peas or mystery meat: She’s serving up a heaping helping of whoopass with a side of bad attitude. Are you brave enough for seconds?

Twisted Sistah

Growing up fending for herself on Skid Row, Twisted Sistah was Nobody’s Fool. Her life was no Cinderella story, and at only Seventeen she was Wanted Dead or Alive. With a Warrant out for her arrest, she joined a group of Runaways and formed a successful rock band called The Iron Maidens. Sistah brought the … Continue reading Twisted Sistah

wrestler Pippi Clawstocking

Pippi Clawstocking

The daughter of a Captain Clawstocking. She lives in a small Swedish village with her monkey, Mr. Nilsson, and her horse, Old Man. She is fiery red-head who is unconventional, confident and has superhuman strength, being able to lift her horse one-handed without difficulty. The only other person known to match her strength is her … Continue reading Pippi Clawstocking

wrestler Motor City Muscle

Motor City Muscle

Raised in a middle-class Detroit household by two hard-working parents, Motor City Muscle typifies a true rags-to-riches tale. Her father, a gym owner by trade, taught her the importance of exercise and the value of a dollar. Her mother, a school teacher, instilled principles of determination and integrity. The streets of Detroit, however, had a … Continue reading Motor City Muscle